Building Trust

Trust with your pet is one of the most important aspects of your companionship with them.  It is important there is trust both ways, that they trust you and your commitment and ability to care for them, and you trust them to have good manners and be safe with other people and other animals.   Of course it is easiest to build this trust from puppydom onward, but it can be built later in life as well.

We often think of basic manners in dogs as tricks your dog needs for behavior.  This is true, but there is so much more to it than that.  Teaching your dog to “sit” for instance is really a way to gain focus, or get them to pay attention to you.  Teaching them any watch me command helps with focus AND works on impulse control.  Impulse control training, such as “watch me”, “wait”, “leave it” to name a few, have more effect than just the impulse control. These commands can save your dogs life.  How effective they are will depend on how much your dog trusts you, and believes with you that these are the correct choices.   That you are asking them to do what proves safe, or fun, or bonding between the two of you. For example, when your pup is very young and you ask them to come to you for dinner, they learn that when they come to you they receive food, or sometimes affection, or sometimes fun.  Hence, there is no reason they can think of to not come when you call. Eventually with reinforcement, coming when called is the best choice they can make according to them.  When you praise your adopted dog, when you kneel and let them smell you and “check you out”, you build their trust that you will not hurt them.  Every meal time, you earn their trust that you will feed them.  When you snuggle them on a couch, the floor, or before bed, you show them you accept them, and you love them and they can trust you.

5 ways to build trust with your dog:

1. Be Kind- your dog speaks a different language than you do, but something you can both understand is kindness.  When they experience fear that is a moment for you to show them the family they are in, is it one where their worst expectations are met, or is it one of love.  Do not bully your dog, hit them or yell at them.  It is so easy to get frustrated, especially in young pups who are testing your boundaries, or newly adopted dogs that never had anyone to trust before.  If you need to, take a moment to collect your self when in tough situations, then come back, assess what has happened and make a plan on where to go from there.  Note the behavior that was not wanted, and plan to train to a better behavior that will help both of you (maybe especially you or your furniture 😉 )

2. Be Patient- with kindness come patience.  what may not have been successful today can be successful tomorrow.  The reward is worth it.  Remember when you punish after the fact, your pet does not associate the punishment with the action.  What they learn is a type of fear (not trust), that sometimes you are angry and they should fear you, but they do not learn why.  Instead, find the training to teach them the behavior you want, with positive reinforcement they will learn.

3. Be Consistent- there is nothing that causes confusion and doubt in your dog more than inconsistent rules.  When you are inconsistent it causes a disconnect between you and your pet.  Consistency helps with expectations, sets up success, and, you guessed it, builds trust!

4. Be Present- Your Pet is not a stuffed toy, or prize in your household.  They are a living part of your family.  Spend time with them, make them a priority.  Walks are very bonding, and play time, training, and just hanging out together in the same room.

5. Be Protective- It is your job to keep your pet safe.  When you train your dog, you build a bond, and you build traits in your companion that will help keep them safe.  When you care for them (feeding, grooming, medical) you help them to be healthy, free of pain, and to feel good and loved.  It is amazing the reciprocation that comes from this.

As you build trust and the relationship between you and your pet, you will find all kinds of training becomes easier and easier, and you will receive the behavior you are searching for within your pet.

Since many of my readers also work in rescue and work with fearful animals, here are some tips on body language to help calm the anxious animal:

1. Avert your gaze, don’t look them directly in the eyes
2. Apporach at an angle, present the side of your body to them to appear less intimidating
3. move slowly and speak calmly
4. be patient, let them decide to come to you
5. try the plate game- put a bowl or plate, or anything, in a neutral position between you.  Walk to it without looking at them and put food in it and walk away.  Wait (maybe move further if needed) and let them get the food.  Slowly work your way closer until you can stand next to them to give the food.

Building trust is not an overnight action. It can take time. Have patience, remember the guidelines and you will see magic 🙂